When we came up with the idea for a Back road Burger Ride, our critics laughed at us. They told us that it couldn't be done. But they underestimated us. They did not count on our sheer grit, determination and the lengths of stupidity that we would go through when it comes to beef. We set out to prove them all wrong and this is our story...
To train for a ride of this magnitude, we knew that we needed a proper pre-ride dinner the night before. This consisted of 10lbs of Steak, Chicken and Baked (or was it re fried?) Beans. Pre-Ride hydration came in the forms of copious amounts of Coors Light, of course! But the thing that gave us our edge was the double-scoop of Ice Cream courtesy of Kalideascoops Ice Cream Parlor.
After a late night of Hockey viewing, the morning came quickly and we all donned our spandex to prove the world wrong. Our goal was to make it from the PLRA Parking lot to Downtown Milford for a Burger and a Shake @ The Burger Joint. A spirited pedal got us into downtown Milford an hour early so we chose to burn off some more calories from the previous nights massacre and headed to the Milford Hike/Bike trail. A quick decision from Shaun to try a different route led us right into the fabled Milford Singletrack that chris-crosses the trail. I think we were all surprised with how much fun this little gem turned out to be, complete with some workers, stabbers and scenic vistas.
But we had to keep our eyes on the prize so when we finished up the roughly 6 miles of sweetness, we pointed our wheels back in the direction of The Burger Joint. In all of our spandex glory, we proudly walked up to the counter and ordered up our feast. I ordered up the Fungus Burger and a Strawberry shake. To all of our surprises, the burgers were double-pattied, totaling 1/2lb of meat madness. Big mushrooms, Swiss cheese and a few strips of bacon made this easily one of the better burgers I have ever taken down. The double-patty proved to be too much for the unseasoned JRAD and Shaun, but I managed to put it down. (Rookies!)
Nothing about this ride was difficult UP TO THIS POINT. Digestion started to set in, we had been sitting and stuffing our faces, causing our muscles to tighten up. On top of that, the temperature was starting to hover right around 300 degrees. With 20 miles left to go, and 1/2lb. of beef sweating out of our pores, it was a merciful spin to the finish line. As we were leaving the city limits of Milford, I went to sprint around Shaun and JRAD so I could crush them and the sheer weight of Beef, Beer, Ice Cream and Kalideoscoops caused my chain to scream "UNCLE" and snap in half. The Team Mechanic got me back up and rolling thankfully but we had plenty of offers for help from several people including a fellow cyclist who pulled up, rolled down his window and said "What`s up, F*%$*rs?!?!?"
At the end of the day, it's hard for me to determine if I burned more calories than I took in. I`m pretty sure I didn't. Just to make sure, I headed back to Kalidascoops. Great day for a ride with good friends and good food. We'll do it again soon, I`m sure!
- Steve
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